Monday, August 10, 2009

Confused Protesters Gather at Cornhole Event

Outraged parents and community members alike gathered outside the Spartanburg Memorial Auditorium Sunday to protest what they thought to be a rancorous display of sin and debauchery after the Herald Journal and several other media outlets ran an ad promoting a "Cornhole" event for that day.

"How were we to know it's just a sport." commented Gene Dillard, who said he'd hoped to yell scripture versus at participants as they entered and left the building. "What else was I to think 'cornholin' meant?"

Joan Dillard, a 3rd grade teacher and active church member said, "I had made all sorts of delicious brownies and muffins to give to the sinners. I hoped to let them know that Jesus loves them, and they still have a chance at eternal happiness if they just repent their sinful ways and except Jesus Christ into their hearts as lord and savior. Then I found out it's just some football tailgate party, horseshoe game, so I took my treats and went home. It was kinda disappointing."

The organizer of the Cornhole sporting event, Ryan Keith, was puzzled when he saw protesters starting to gather hours before things got underway. "I thought they were out there protesting something the police station across the street did or something, or maybe something to do with the Krispy Kreme doughnut shop next door." He remarked, "I was so busy preparing for the event inside I didn't give it much thought really."

Finally, after hours of the crowd getting worked up, an arriving Cornhole participant explained it was all a misunderstanding over the protesters snarls and shouts, and the announcement was made. So many people were confused by the advertisements bearing the name of the sport a huge crowd had gathered by that point, all speculating as to what the event was really about.

"I don't mind them doing what they do in the privacy of their own home, but don't flaunt it in my face. Certainly don't make a sport out of it!" commented a protester before the announcement was made.

"It must be like some sorta Greco-Roman wrestling, and hog-tying match is all I can figure." exclaimed one aged man, and "Save your soul, no cornhole" was the chant that finally prompted a participant of the sporting event to explain the misunderstanding.

Following the announcement the angry mob dispersed after several minutes of confusion, leading some to a chuckle with relief, while leaving others disappointed.

"We had really hoped to convert some sinners into our flock today." said local minister Frederick Banks. "Finding out most of these sportsmen are good Christian folk already kinda screws up my afternoon, I could be on the golf course right now."

It's good to report on a protest with a happy ending, and despite the misunderstand and confusion it created, the Cornhole event went on as planned. For a new locally organized sport on the rise, it sure has created quite a stir with townsfolk from all over the area, and all walks of life.

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