Sunday, August 2, 2009

Local Disgruntled Waffle House Cook Regrets Postponing Culinary School

When Bobby Ringo graduated from Dorman High School he had big dreams of becoming a culinary legend. He took that following summer off rather then going straight to college, met a girl, and moved into an apartment downtown where they had the time of their lives partying and living what seemed to be the good life. They soon discovered they were to be parents, so Bobby found a job at the local Waffle House to make ends meat, temporarily postponing his dreams in order to start a family.

That was four years ago. Bobby's dream is still alive in his heart, but further out of reach then ever. "I should be making fillet mignon on a cruise ship halfway to the Caribbean by now, instead I'm stuck here making waffles and patty melts for drunk truckers at 3am every night."

Despite his attempts to put money aside for culinary classes at Spartanburg technical college, life has had a funny way of surprising him with little expenses. The wife's wardrobe, his son's health insurance, DUI's, bills have a tendency of piling up for Bobby.

"I'm up to my eyeballs in debt, my wife is addicted to pain pills, and my son loves Sponge Bob but won't give his old man the time of day, but who's complaining. Life is great. Sometimes I think I should start working at the gas station, at least then there's the possibility someone might rob the place and shoot me dead."

Bobby likes to kid around, but he knows he has it made. His wife TiVo's the race for him every Sunday when he has to work late, his best friend Chuck has a boat where they go fishing on their days off, and Bobby and his family enjoy the finest view of Spartanburg from their seventh floor apartment in the Skyler building downtown.

"The view is great, you have a point there. Sometimes I wish I could afford a gun so I could go on a sniper killing spree before jumping to my death, leaving this shit-hole of a world behind."

Sure, things could have worked out differently for Bobby in the long run. There is a lot to be said for the quiet life though, making an honest living in a small town, and raising a loving family.

"Day after day I come home smelling like hashbrowns and sausage. The wife and I hardly talk anymore, unless she's yelling about bill collectors calling, and my boss is a teenage retard that likes to belittle me in front of the customers. I need that job though if I wanna make rent every month, living paycheck to paycheck."

This past week has been especially tough for Bobby. He discovered his wife is having an affair with his best friend Chuck, they cut his hours at work, and he received an eviction notice and a summons to family court for denial of custody and an issuance of child support for his son. To top things off, his transmission is going out in his car, and it's starting to burn when he pees.

"I don't know where I'm gonna go, what I'm gonna do. My life is ruined. I should have never took that summer off after high school!!"

Tune in next time for the dramatic conclusion. Will Bobby check into a shelter? Take up heavy drinking again? Join the army? Go on a killing spree? These answers and more, in our next installment of, "Bobby Ringo, the local disgruntled Waffle House cook that regrets postponing culinary school."

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