Thursday, March 4, 2010

Area Man Filing Taxes As Professional Hipster

For Chuck "Grainy Train" Cheney being hip has always been an obsession, but now he's claiming it as his profession, and as consequence he's filing his taxes accordingly. We caught up with him the other day to get the inside scoop after one of his live internet radio web vlog podcasts he does from his second story loft in downtown Spartanburg to see what all the hype is about.

PPP News Staff: Good afternoon Chuck, I'm sure our readers are wondering just how this all works, filing as a pro hipster and all. It's not a typical occupation, and I thought maybe you could elaborate on it.

Chuck Cheney: Sure, no prob coolio. I've been hip forever, like, since the prenatal scene, ya dig? It just comes natural to me my man, and it ain't no thing.

PPPN Staff: So how do you make money at being a hipster?

Chuck: Ways and means my friend. Throwing house parties for the peeps, my ultra hip web radio live vlog cast. Hell, people just throw money at me, ya know? I'm that kinda guy.

PPPN: What kind of music do you play on your show?

Chuck: If you have to ask, then you obviously don't know about being hip friend. Only the dankest, most obscure shiznizzle that ever made your ears sizzle my man. Everything from Morrissey to Meat Beat Manifesto, from Dr. Dre to Dr. Dooom. Always on the upbeat switchin' up the platinum.

PPPN: OK then, it must be tough filling out the tax forms, considering the nature of your occupation.

Chuck: Not really bro, I write off all the new gear I snag, and anything I use to be hip really.

PPPN: Such as?

Chuck: I got these fly kicks, my threads of course, my rent for this fly pad, all that PBR and the Salem Lights I smoke, hell, I even claim my Portuguese water dog. I just can't claim the beaster headies, ya dig? Hey, you aren't gonna print that last part are ya?

PPPN: Sure.

Chuck: OK then. The lowdown's like this, I'm just riding this gravy train all the way to the station. I can't help that I'm deck, a juicer to the max, hell, chippers sway when I bust a moby. I don't even need no bronson to spring some tassel from some midtown jerry frado.

PPPN: You lost me at, "OK then" man.

Chuck: I got shit to do man, good luck with your article. See ya.

With that I was shown the door. Chuck never returned my calls on following up with the article and he never mentioned the article on his next couple of shows. If the IRS accepts his occupation and write offs as legitimate it'll be to the surprise of this journalist. All in all one has to admit that Chuck does have one thing going for him, the ability to throw a good house party. It's just too bad they won't let me attend.


  1. That's a bogus account of my flava ya fin cronkite jerry frado. You can't get in my shindigs cause ya whack like government cheese, and ya paper's whack 2.

    Didn't even link my shizzel. Go back to goat herdin. I'll put it on the clothesline and you won't even get no chipper tassel in this town.

    ~ Chuck "Grainy Train" Cheney